Researchers describe grief in stages, but it's important to know that each person moves through the stages differently and at a different pace. And in advanced cancer, the grieving process and stages often start before the loss of a loved one because of anticipatory grief. People may go through many different emotional states while grieving. For most people, the actual death starts the normal grieving process. But when their loved one actually dies, it can still be a shock and bring about unexpected feelings of sadness and loss. Many people think they are prepared for the loss because death is expected. It can help people complete unfinished business and prepare loved ones for the actual loss, but it might not lessen the pain they feel when the person dies. This is a normal response called anticipatory grief. When someone is terminally ill, family, friends, and even the patient might start to grieve in response to the expectation of death. The grief experience may be different when the loss occurs after a long illness rather than suddenly. This is all a normal part of the process of adjusting and letting go. Others might feel relief, while some may wonder why they feel nothing at all at the death of such a person. It’s not uncommon to have profound distress as the bereaved mourns the relationship they had wished for with the person who died, and lets go of any chance of achieving it. Difficult relationshipsĪ person who had a difficult relationship with the deceased (a parent who was abusive, estranged, or abandoned the family, for example) is often surprised by the painful emotions they have after their death. In addition, prolonged illnesses can also cause grief to take unexpected forms. Grief can take unexpected formsĭifficult relationships with the deceased prior to death can cause unique grieving experiences for loved ones. In time, the person should be able to use their emotional energy in other ways and to strengthen other relationships. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years. A grieving person must resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. It’s common for the grief process to take a year or longer.
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